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wow [Dec. 21st, 2010|05:40 pm]
that was forever ago. I am at the airport and stumble across this hear journal and re-read quite a bit of it. OK seriously. Can people not keep their children quite? I have to go now.
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I'm back.. [Jun. 10th, 2008|08:47 pm]
[Current Location |My Room]
[Current Mood |sadsad]
[Current Music |Alanis Morissette - Straitjacket]

I'm not sure that anyone even comes to this page anymore, but I needed a place to write so here I am. In March one my very best friends committed suicide. I honestly never thought something like this could happen. Each day gets a little easier, but I can't stop thinking about her. I miss her so much and to top it off today is her birthday. Happy Birthday Rhonda, she was such an amazing person and my life is a little empty without her. Today I have just been trying to think of all the wonderful things I have shared in my life with her and what an important part of it she has been. There are a few people in my life that at some point have literally saved it. She is one of those people and I'm not too sure she knew it. I like to think she knows it now, but you can never be to sure. I will never have my answers until I see her again and I truly believe I will. I love you Rhonda and I hope you are safe, happy and at peace. I raise "your" Miller-lite to you.
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I'm having a moment [Jun. 27th, 2006|11:47 pm]
[Current Location |Bedroom]

I think the moment I started breathing, the moment I realized there was something great in store for me was the day I met her. Through the years I have a hard time remembering just exactly how we met. She tells her story and I tell mine. The most important thing is that we met and because of her, from that point my life has had some meaning.

Every struggle, every joy, every heartbreak, every important moment in my life there has been one constant thing and that was her. As I sit her trying to vision her face, I smile. Her laughter and overwhelming inner-beauty has always been an attractive feature. The most amazing thing about her is she has put up with me for 28 years. I’m not referring to my wife, I’m not referring to my lover, I’m referring to my soul-mate, my best friend to the most amazing creature that has ever entered into my atmosphere. I’m referring to my Heather.

I have a selfish streak in me. Everyone who knows me is aware of that. When it comes to her I am a little freakish, some could say. I want nothing for happiness for her. Unfortunately I’m not sure she knows what that is anymore. Many times I have tried to describe in writing what she means to mean and I can never seem to find the right words.

I struggle with it; I wish I could blurt them out. When someone has been such a reaming staple in your life it’s difficult to pinpoint that one thing, the one thing about them you just couldn’t live without. The truth is, I don’t think I could survive without her, I’m not sure I would want to. I’m not sure I would have any strength in me if anything ever happened to her. I wish I could erase her pain, make a wish and make it vanish as if it never existed. I’m not that powerful I like to pretend I am but I’m not. I hate to think what I would have become had I not had this amazing soul in my life, if we had never met. What would my life have become?

I shutter to think. Would someone please help me understand why she can’t see what I see? Why she can’t understand that she is one of the reasons I am still able to get out of bed in the morning. Why can’t she understand that this world would be a pile of shit if she weren’t here to explore it with me? Not one person on this planet understands me the way she does. She is imbedded in my soul.
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Holy Hell [Mar. 17th, 2006|04:45 pm]
[Current Mood |contentcontent]
[Current Music |The Gossip - Standing in the Way of Control]

Wow I so don't come to this website much anymore.
I thought it would be fun to put a brief update. So much has happened since the last entry, I saw Dolly again in Denver and was in the 5th row. Fantastic show!! Saw Riley Kiley, was in the 3rd row and Saw Jenny Lewis last week and was touching the stage. I love her, I'm sorta obsessed with her. In June Kimmy and I are going to PA to see my brother John and his family. My brother Karl is coming with us and guess what? We're going to DOLLYWOOD baby!! whoo!! Um, Lamar and Shane came out for my birthday last month, that was groovy. Seeing Erasure in May, the damn tickets sold out in 6 mins. So not everyone was able to get their tickets. Um. I should have more to say but I don't. Maybe I will try to get back into the journal thing. Who knows.
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Happy New Year. [Jan. 21st, 2005|06:30 pm]
[Current Music |Rilo Kiley 'It's a Hit']

Well this year has already gotten off to a great start. I'm now only working 4 days a week (4 10s). It's great I have so much more time for me with 3 days off (sun mon tues). Heather and Shane are coming for my birthday next month so I am very excited. It has been too long since I've seen Heather. Christmas was good, it was good to see my family. The day after I got back my Granny died. So that was weird, she was 94 so it was good, i guess she lived a long time. I never really knew her so I guess I wasn't that upset by it. Which led me feeling guilty. I never liked her but, I was sad for my mother. I was sort seeing Ben again, but I ended it again. I really need to stop that. I thought maybe I could really like him this time, but he proved to be still a immature little brat. I can't tolerate that. It was nice having someone around but, I think I've just come to realize I'm not the boyfriend type. I just can't handle all that comes with having a boyfriend. I need too much time for me, I'm selfish. Oh, Dolly was great but the seats were not as good as I thought so I was pissy the whole time. I still enjoyed it I just really thought I was going to be closer than the last time I saw her and I was farther. She did some great stuff, but she lip-synced at least 6 of the songs so that annoyed me.
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I guess it was a good day [Nov. 7th, 2004|07:26 am]
[Current Music |The Beautiful South 'Don't Fear the Reaper']

I got my tickets, almost center stage row 4. I guess that's pretty good. I don't know the venue that well so I will feel better when I see just where I am at. Also, The Beautiful South CD came yesterday, finaly. It's pretty good for a cover album. Christy is not going to move in next door now, I was going to take the apartment but decided it was way too much for me to handle right now.
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Color Me Pissed! [Nov. 5th, 2004|08:45 pm]
[Current Music |The Beautiful South 'Ciao']

So I don't check the Dolly websites for 2 days and an internet pre-sale has come and gone. Now I have to wait with the rest of the world and buy them tomorrow and get shitty seats!! I'm not a happy boy right now. Pray with me that there are still good seats for me.
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New Neighbor [Nov. 2nd, 2004|07:17 am]
[Current Music |Nellie McKay 'I Wanna Get Married']

So the apartment next to me opened up. If I could afford it I would move in. It's a 2 bed room with a dishwasher & fireplace. Alas, it is too much for poor little me to afford, so Christy is thinking about moving in. That will be so awsome. Kim is on one side and Christy will be on the other. What more could a boy ask for? Still no word on when Dolly goes on sale and once again these damn poeple take forever to get me my South CD, it's been 3 damn weeks. Annoying that is.

I will be going to AZ again for Christmas, so that will be fun. I love hanging out with my mom.
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'Blemish' [Oct. 20th, 2004|08:17 am]
My Mirror must be defective
Maybe it's the steam
I don't remember being this ugly
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Random thoughts from the little red book.... [Sep. 25th, 2004|03:28 pm]
[Current Mood |blankblank]
[Current Music |Scissor Sisters 'Filthy/Gorgeous']

On da bus, I sit
I wait for my stop
I rock out, in my own little world
Fading all the peasants out like a bad tune
On da bus, I fantasize
About a new existence, a new adventure, a new romance
A new life
If only, the rest of my day was as lovely
As my moments
On da bus

My memories have faded
Like a wilting rose
I hate roses
Almost as much as I hate you
My frozen heart
Is thawing...
My brain
Is Damaged
My Soul
Is Torn
Stop it, with your controlling issues
Stop grasping onto the tiny bit of sanity I have left
Let me go
You bastard

I hate raisins
Their mooshy and
resemble a small brain....
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